Negan vs Jesus Christ
Negan vs Jesus Christ is the fifth battle of the Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Off-Season. It features psychopathic leader of the zombie apocalypse group "the Saviors", Negan, battling the son of God and holy prophet, Jesus Christ. It was published December 5, 2016. Cast EpicLLOYD as Negan Nice Peter as Jesus Christ Dante Cimadamore as Saint Peter Lyrics lines appear in dark red, Jesus Christ's lines in glowing white, and Saint Peter's in glowing grey.* 'Negan:' Bring this holy fuck on up; he’s already kneeling for a God, Whose people fuck with more boys than I did in my garage Fuck, that sounded wrong, like the way your fucking name’s pronounced Pussies coming against my big dick empire? I’ll shut that shit down! 'Jesus Christ:' Hold yourself for a moment, give me a chance to speak, You call us cowardly, yet thou the one who’ll beat me on my knees! Preach! But please, let me reason with you, my child. There’s no need for all of this, I can teach you the way, as unlike I, you cannot altar this. With some love you could turn your prison cell into a palace But instead you stick to pulling splinters off your splinter of a phallus When you rubbed it on a stick that broke harder than your heart inside I know you want to kill the Faith, so you’ll go to Hell and meet your wife 'Negan:' Fucking shit, I’m not racist, but you’re literally a cracker Got your name from the Mexicans; prepare to handle a whacker You fuck none? I fuck nuns! You got nailed, I’m fucking hung! Ezekiel got some head, so bitch, here’s your fucking Kingdom Cum! I rock the pool you walk across, I’d fucking love to play but it’s time, You can pray, you can preach, you can commit genocide... ...Fucking hell, you’re all gonna be doing that… KRAKK *Jesus is knocked to the ground, Lucille slamming into his skull* Whoa! Taking it like a champ! Right off the bat! KRAKK *Jesus pulls himself up, blood dripping down his face* Look everybody! He’s still around despite his life getting debunked! Your fucking blood is wine right? Lucille’s literally getting drunk! KRAKK M-m-m-my ch-ch-child... Jesus Jesus, you in there? It seems like you’re trying to speak, But you’re looking like Mary’s fuckhole on an unholy week! KRAKK *Jesus collapses and Negan proceeds to continue bashing in his skull* Look at this! Look at my dirty girl! Fucking hell, look at what she’s done! To her carnage I spank the monkey you blind fucks evolved from! Fuck shit, you’re all bigots! If you all met the Jesus on my streets, You’d either suck his gay cock or give him conversion therapy! But you’re still people I wanna know, ‘cause- “HELP US, GOD ABOVE” See? That fucking shit means you got some serious drugs! It’s Christmas kids! Lighten the fuck up, this is a birthday bash! We’re gonna be fucking Ho after Ho, so suck my sacrilegious sack! So welcome to a brand new fucking world, you sorry ass shits, I’ll be taking half your shit, like your fucked beliefs took half your dicks! *Suddenly the ground shakes as Jesus’s shattered skull magically pieces itself together and golden light fills the night* 'Jesus Christ:' Rejoice, my brethren! I hath arisen again! To smite thine sin until he is in remission! No need to wait through the weekend, you already failed by Sunday You try to keep it fresh next week but it’ll be spoiled by Monday The second coming back from the dead to break your bat It left an impact -- on your ratings, you own the axe But you can still change, when they put you in chains And so I serve you now, I’m known for helping the lame! On the second cursed verse, the Lord said unto you You’re pegged now, my child. Now what you gonna do? Pick your battles wisely, before I have you wiped off the earth It’s A New Beginning, the Light reborn on the day of his birth! Trivia *This battle features the longest verse in the series, with Negan's second verse at twenty-two lines. Category:Epic Rap Battles of Heroes and Villains Category:Off-Season Category:Negan vs Jesus Christ Category:TKandMit Category:GravityMan Category:Story battles